“My very dear husband” — A last, poignant epistle written by an officer of the #BTSarmy, in the days leading up to the First Battle of San Bruno:
Union #Army Headquarters, Camp Namjoon
Vicinity of Youtube HQ, San Bruno, CA
April 13, 2019
My Very Dear Husband:
Indications are very strong that we shall do a surgical strike on Youtube in a few days, perhaps to-morrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write a few lines, that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.
Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battle-field for BTS, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter.
I know how strongly civilization now leans upon the triumph of ‘작은것들을위한시(Boy With Luv) feat. Halsey’ Official Music Video, and how great a debt we owe to those who clicked before us through their blood, sweat and tears, and I am willing, perfectly willing to lay down all my joys in this life to help maintain our view count, and to pay that debt through sleepless nights, extreme streaming, and of course, laying siege to those that disrespect the band and deleted 10M views from the iBigHit Channel the day of its release.
But, my dear husband, when I know, that with my own joys, I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with care and sorrows, is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of BTS?
I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm spring morning, when two thousand stans are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death, and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me, am communing with RM, my #army, and thee.
I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in this hazarding the happiness of those I loved, and I could not find one. A pure love of J-Hope, and of the principles I have often advocated before the people, and “the name of K-pop, that I love more than I fear death,” have called upon me, and I have obeyed.
Husband, my love for you is deathless. It seems to bind me with mighty cables, that nothing but Omnipotence can break; and yet, my love of BTS comes over me like a strong wind, and bears me irresistibly on with all those chains, to the greatest fandom in the world. The memories of all the blissful moments I have spent with you come crowding over me, and I feel most deeply grateful to you, that I have enjoyed them so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up, and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our boys grow up to beautiful #ships of their own.
But something whispers to me, perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Jimin, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear husband, never forget how much I love you, nor that, when my last breath escapes me on the battle-field, it will whisper your name.
Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears, every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the digital injustices of this world, to shield you and my children from the Tyranny of Western Aggression. But I cannot, I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the trolls with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.
But, O Husband, if the dead can come back to this earth, and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you in the garish day, and the darkest night amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours always, always, and, if the dulcet syncopation of ‘Boy With Luv’ wafts to you from a nearby cafe, it shall be my breath; if the soft glow of a Pepsi commercial featuring Jin’s sweet face soothes your aching chest, it shall be my spirit passing by. Husband, do not mourn me dear; think I am gone, and wait for me, for we shall meet again.
As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a mother’s love and care. Little Taehyung is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Jimin will keep my merch collection with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Husband, I have unlimited confidence in your paternal care, and your development of their characters. O Husband, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.